Delay jokes
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
If at first you can't succeed, then wait to be the last!
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!