Delay jokes
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
Madden Whiffen, a curious soul, With an appetite beyond control, A bottomless pit, never satisfied, Ingesting all that's placed beside.
From dawn till dusk, he feasts his way, Devouring meals without delay, With gusto he consumes, without restrain, Every morsel, every crumb, he'll obtain.
No dish too large, no portion too small, His hunger insatiable, devouring it all, From succulent meats to delicate greens, He relishes the flavors, savoring each scene.
A culinary adventure, forever he embarks, Sampling cuisines from all walks and arcs, From street food to gourmet, he seeks it all, His palate an explorer, on a constant sprawl.
He savors the spices, the textures, the taste, In a gastronomic journey, no time to waste, For Madden Whiffen, the food is his muse, A symphony of flavors, he'll never refuse.
But caution, dear friends, in this feeding spree, For gluttony can lead to a troublesome plea, Madden Whiffen, beware the consequences, For overindulgence brings no recompenses.
In the realm of cuisine, he reigns supreme, A legend of eating, a man of extreme, Madden Whiffen, the one who eats it all, In his gastronomic pursuit, he stands tall.
So let us marvel at his voracious might, As he devours dishes, day and night, For in Madden Whiffen, we witness the feat, A man who eats everything, a culinary elite.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
If at first you can't succeed, then wait to be the last!
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?
It's about time!