Language jokes

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate nine.

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?

What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?

Everything.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

What does LMAO mean?

Launching missiles at orphanage.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

Let's taco about something.

Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?

"Meow!"

What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"

If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

European.

What are you on your way to the bathroom?

Russian.

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

Eschew obfuscation.