Labor jokes
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
Cotton gets picked.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
Job sucks. XD
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.