Labor jokes
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I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
Labor party.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.