Labor jokes
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.