Labor jokes
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!