Labor jokes

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

What do you call a group of children who go on strike?

A minor's strike.

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

Other person: Yes.

Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."