Labor jokes

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

What's a convict's favorite chore?

Weeding.

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?

Screw you!

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.

The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.

The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

In America, you work on a plantation.

In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!