Labor jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”