Know-How Jokes

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

Sometimes orphans can't win spelling bees because they don't know how to spell "home."

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.

Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)

If you don’t know how to braid, hit that follow button, let’s gooo!

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.