My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
Lmao, idiots don't know how to play Jenga.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
Do you know how to make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
