Kill jokes
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?
It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
Kill yourself, hoes!
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.