How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
Kill yourself!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Why did the boy shoot the clock? he wanted to kill time.
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!
My life.
Kill me, please.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
