Kill

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So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."

There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.

  • 0

    • "Why do people call Americans excessive?"

    "It was probably because of WWII."

    "Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

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    • Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

    When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

    "One, he killed himself."

  • 3

    • Why was 6 afraid of 7?

    Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

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  • 1

    • Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.

    Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."

    Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."

    Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.

    To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!

  • 0

    • New horror movie idea.

    The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.