Kill jokes

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

Curiosity killed the cat.

But for a while, I was a suspect.

Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!

My life.

Kill me, please.

We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.

We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.

How did the inkjet printer kill himself?

He drank cyan-ide.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?

A pool table.