Kid

Kid jokes

School

    • There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

    She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

    Son said, "But I can't see."

    Mom said, "That's the point."

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    • Strap

    • You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

    Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

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    • Park

    • I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

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    • Kid memes

    9/11

    • What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

    There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

  • 2

    • Class

    • Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.

    Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...

    Dad

    • Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

    The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

    The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

    In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.

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    • Name

    • One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

    Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

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    • Day

    • I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

  • 0

    • Card

    • Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

    Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

    Saxophone

    • I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

    Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

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    • People

    • At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

    At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

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