Kid jokes

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!