Kid jokes
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?
Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.