Kid jokes

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"