Kid jokes

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

What flowers are on your face?

What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...

What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"