Kid jokes

What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?

Hopscotch.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."

The kid: But it has no home button.

Me: Exactly. 💀

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.

Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"

Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"

Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"

Grandma: "Exactly."

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Why did the sped kid get expelled?

Because he was tardy.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.

Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

What do emo kids like to smoke?

"Marjuanakillmyself."