Kid jokes
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
Why do emo kids not jump?
They're still in the sky.
What's an emo kid's favorite movie?
Suicide Squad.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?
Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
I like my kids like I like my lamps. Hung from the ceiling.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"