Kid jokes

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!

Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

Once, there was a kid named Cale, but his classmates didn’t know it was spelled with a “C,” so they asked him if he could be their snack.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.