Kid jokes

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

How do you think they found out cows produce milk?

Two kids having fun in the barn.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles? They are fucking immature kids!

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.

"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"