A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “Ive kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don’t make a white

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems will it be a Concentration Camp?

abortion, it really brings out the kid in you

Boyscout…

  • a kid who dressed like an idiot…
  • An idiot who dressed like a kid

what did the kid with luekemia watch last night? Finding Chemo

The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That’s when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom “bullets” we don’t talk about this anymore

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Jared from Subway-Remember kids tuna sub backwards is what I’m going to do on your face

Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t sell drugs.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? You give them a Sandy Hook.

Hears the news about Sandy Hook Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives… Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:… Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.

The teacher of the ELA class sead that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next ot the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he sead, Me im going home. Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and sead,“At the end of this ruler is a idiot”, he got suspended for asking witch end.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back

A kid asks hims mom “mom how much do you love me” the mother responds with “i love you as much as i love your brother” the kid looks confused and says “but i don’t have a brother” the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing

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