If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

abortion, it really brings out the kid in you

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That’s when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom “bullets” we don’t talk about this anymore

It’s April fools day. I’m gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids their parents are here to pick them up.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white and secondly they both get turned on by kids.

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Jared from Subway-Remember kids tuna sub backwards is what I’m going to do on your face

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

Boyscout…

  • a kid who dressed like an idiot…
  • An idiot who dressed like a kid

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: “Homework!”

Kid:Hey what’s black and sneaky! Social studies teacher:Harriet Tubman

The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!” “Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”

what did the kid with luekemia watch last night? Finding Chemo

  • I think you´re EGGcellent.
  • Wow… You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you`re a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
  • Really? Are you done yet?.
  • Are you kidding? a have a DOZEN of them.

How to tell your kid he’s adopted: Son, I’m a virgin.

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t sell drugs.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

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