Wife

Anonymous

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back

Orphan

LIL JIMBO

If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.

Wife

Anonymous

My pregnate wife said we were gonna name the kid digorno. She wouldn’t tell me why until she got an abortion and told me its not delivery its digiorno.

Shooting

TheAbyss

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!” “Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”

Bringing

Anonymous

abortion, it really brings out the kid in you

Shooting

Jason Dean

Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That’s when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom “bullets” we don’t talk about this anymore

Nut

Anonymous

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

Grape

Daniel King

What does Mrs Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin kids.

Shooting

Pumped Up Kicks

when you’re the only one nice to the quiet kid.

kid: i like you… don’t go to school tomorrow.

Rock

Anonymous

I came home from school One day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks so I did except I kicked him out him and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way

Bus

Anonymous

What’s yellow and can’t swim

A bus full of kids

Priest

Anonymous

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

Puns

Anonymous

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

Fat

Anonymous

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Fat

Kitchen spamz

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: “Homework!”

Name

Anonymous

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Face

Night

Jared from Subway-Remember kids tuna sub backwards is what I’m going to do on your face

Sister

Anonymous

So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.

Idiot

Drunkenmoth

Boyscout…

  • a kid who dressed like an idiot…
  • An idiot who dressed like a kid

Night

Jayden

what did the kid with luekemia watch last night? Finding Chemo

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