Kid jokes
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
Me: "I like kids."
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.