Shooting

Anonymous

The quiet kid starts playing Pumped Up Kicks in the parking lot before school.

Puns

Anonymous

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t Remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said “your about to become history”. I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

White

Anonymous

Why can’t two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don’t make a white

Difference

MISS. B.... TO YOU!

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t sell drugs.

Light

Anonymous

Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers

Name

Anonymous

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Parent

Anonymous

Kid:I want to be batman Ok when he gets home his parents are dead

Adoption

Anonymous

Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?

Home

Anonymous

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So i ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Nut

Anonymous

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

Head

The Fires Of Hell

Hears the news about Sandy Hook Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives… Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:… Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

Prostitution

Anonymous

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.

Virgin

Anonymous

How to tell your kid he’s adopted: Son, I’m a virgin.

Man

Person

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

Means

panda devil

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.

Teacher

Anonymous

Kid:Hey what’s black and sneaky! Social studies teacher:Harriet Tubman

Animal

Anonymous

What is a dead kid’s favorite anime? Bleach.

High

Anonymous

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday.” The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday.” The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February…”

Man

Airplane

There once was 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said this is disgusting and threw it out the window the 2nd man bit into a banana and said this is rotten and he threw it out the window the 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed " ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT" and he threw it out the window. Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying he replied an apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head! the police officer said that is weird and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked why are you crying and he answered a banana came flying out of the sky and hit he on the head the officer said this has been a strange day. Then he says a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said while he was laughing my dad farted and the house blew up.

Hook

School

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? You give them a Sandy Hook.

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