An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

My nickname should be night light…because kids turn me on…

Me walking in to the office:
Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal…

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!

Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves… just kidding he hasn’t opened it yet

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport???

•terminal

One time this kid came back from school and said “Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?” And his mom said "Good news please.’’ and the boy said “I got 100% on my math test today” and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said “Now to the bad news, I LIED”

Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?

Dad: So you won’t get bored there

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

what happens when a emo kid loses a kahoot he gets a 25 kill streak

there’s three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes “mommy why do u call me l’feather”? She answers “cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born”. L’drop asks to his mom “mommy why do u call be l’drop”? She answers “cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born”. L’brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag? A 9mm

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar- just kidding.

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