An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
My nickname should be night light…because kids turn me on…
A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him “why are you late?” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake” Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him “why are you late” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake”, The last kid walks in and the teacher says “why are you late?..and why are you wet?” and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom
So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar- just kidding.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Teacher: Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple because the emo kid got caught by the rope
What do you call an asian kid who’s bad at math?
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.
Why did Ms Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.