Kid jokes

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

Who do Chinese people name their kids?

Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.

What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?

Joshua Metcalfe

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?

A: Musical chairs.

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.

Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"