Kid jokes
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
Memes
Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".
Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.
All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Kid singing “abcd.”
Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”
Why is the gay kid gay?
Because he likes men.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.