Kid jokes

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".

What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

"Knuckle babies" don't eat.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!