Kid jokes
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
What do you call a kid who sings well?
Melodic Minor.
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
Kid singing “abcd.”
Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.