Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!
Kid with mother: Your mom!
I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.
When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
whats the samthing between milk and a kid with cancer they both have a expiery date
