Kid jokes

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"

At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?

Milkshake.

Why do orphans hate smart kids?

Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.

This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.

How do you keep a blind kid entertained?

You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.

What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.

Kid: You're so fat!

Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.

"It never gets old."

"Just like a sick kid!"

When the school shooter makes the emo kid hang himself and the autistic kid thinks it's a piñata: 🤪🏏

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Names......

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."

Why did the kids love the mushrooms?

Because they're fun-guys!

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

What do you call a washed vegetable?

A disabled kid that needs a towel.