Kid jokes
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
Why do orphans hate smart kids?
Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
Kid: You're so fat!
Other kid: At least fat can be changed, but your ugly face can't be.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."