Kid jokes
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
“Here comes the airplane!”
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
What is the difference between the snow ❄️ and sun 🌞? Snow is slippery, and the other kind 🧒 of weather is not slippery.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
How do tourists feed their kids?
Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.