Kid jokes
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Memes
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”
Vote for the better joke.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
If you're feeling mad, punch an autistic kid. What's he gonna do, blabber to the teacher?
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.