Kid jokes

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

What's common in vampires and American kids?

They both don't get old.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.