I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.
Thatâs what I get for not having a password on my iPad.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priestâs ass as he âdownward dogsâ the kid.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.
