Keep jokes

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

Keep yourself safe!

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Keep calm and curry on!

"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?

He kept dropping the bass."

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?

A Lymphomaniac.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."

What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?

I don't know. I suffocated at birth.

To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?

In Iraq.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???

These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.