Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?
In Iraq.
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
