Keep jokes
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
I know them all, just like you keep busting onto your computer keyboard, that's why it's always got sticky keys
Why don't we keep the balls rolling?
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny 😆 and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work 👍!
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?
I AM keeping Trak!
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball, Laquon Treadwell!
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
How do rappers keep their breath fresh?
With some FRESH BEATS.
The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
Why is the sun mad at the clouds?
The clouds keep throwing shade.