Keep jokes

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?

A Lymphomaniac.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?

I don't know. I suffocated at birth.

A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."

Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?

In Iraq.

To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???