Keep jokes

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?

Because it had a Great Booty!

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, keep being you, let no one discourage you.

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?

Keep away from me-hee-hee.

Keep calm and curry on!

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

She keeps on running from the ball.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Keep yourself safe!

"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?

He kept dropping the bass."

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.