Keep jokes

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?

In the mooseum.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.