Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
101 pedo jokes.
Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?
Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.
Keep it going on lol.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
