why is the sun mad at the clouds?The clouds keep throwing shade.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going
Why is there Air Conditioning at a Hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
yum
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?", the priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate"
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl Beyond belief her name was Rayne but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him but one day she did and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no that’s not right Sammy actually snuck in Raynes house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End .
Hey mum why do people keep suddenly dying in our family? Mum? Mum? Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest? Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs. "For the last time Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!" The man with glasses frowns. "Where did all the others go, then?"
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied He couldn’t stand up for him self
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
how many russians does it take to change a light bulb. I don't know they just keep Putin them in.
Yo mama so fat she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueling
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
