Joke jokes

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.

The twin towers: No, it won't.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?

Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.

What does a skeleton put on his roof?

Shin-gulls.

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

What planet did Hitler hate the most?

Jewpiter.