Joke jokes
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."
Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."