Joke jokes
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.