Joke jokes
All my 9/11 jokes crash and burn.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
Eggs
You crack me up!
Yo mama so fat, you deported herself.
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces!! HAHAHA
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a unregistered six offender.
"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.