Joke

Joke jokes

Teacher

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

  • 2
  • Sex

    What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

    You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

  • 9
  • Suicide

    My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

    Memes

    Dead Baby

    How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

  • 1
  • Brick

    Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

    Teacher: 502.

    Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

    Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

    Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

    Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

    Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

    Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

    Teacher: let me guess the lion?

    Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

    Teacher: WOW!

    Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

    Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

    Student: The gators are at the party.

    Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

    Teacher: She drowned?!

    Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

    Rape

    Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

  • 9
  • Spine

    You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

  • 4
  • Train

    Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

    They say he had locomotives.

    Adoption

    Son: Dad, am I adopted?

    Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

    Bus Driver

    So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

    "If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

    "If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

    And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

    "Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

    Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

    Number

    So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."

    Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."

  • 3
  • Nut

    What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"

  • 4
  • Pen

    Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.

    Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.

    Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.

    Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.

    Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.