Joke jokes

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.

Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!

Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?

Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.

You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Son: Dad, am I adopted?

Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?