Joke jokes
What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?
A cutting board.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
What meme does an Emo hate the most?
"Happy Happy Joy Joy" Peter Griffin.
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
Orphan joke protest idea.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.
Why can't orphans make dad jokes? Because they don't have one.