Joke jokes
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Memes
those one people that joke around to much
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.