Joke jokes
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has faster reflexes than the Twin Towers.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.