Joke jokes

Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?

A. System of a Down's syndrome.

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

What planet did Hitler hate the most?

Jewpiter.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Oh, neither did he.

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

My life is a joke.

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.