Joke jokes

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.

Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Oh, neither did he.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?

dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.

morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

My life is a joke.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.