Joke jokes
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.