Joke jokes
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
What does lmao mean?
Launch Missiles at orphanage.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.