Joke jokes
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
We don't read backwards.
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.