Joke jokes

What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.

What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?

Shooting up schoolchildren.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't scream "daddy!"

What do you call suicidal Hitler?

Slitler.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.