Joke jokes
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!