Joke jokes
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!😅
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪