Joke

Joke jokes

Planet

Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)

Lamborghini

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Butthole

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

Depression

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

Word

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Kid

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

Orphan

Why are most dark jokes about orphans?

They can't complain to their parents.

Warship

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Orphan

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

Dad

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Fire

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Weight

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.