Joke jokes
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.