Joke jokes
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!