Joke jokes
We don't read backwards.
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.