Joke jokes
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.