Joke jokes
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
A selfie.
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"