Joke jokes

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

The joke is my life.

Why was 8 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a 6 offender.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

My favorite joke is my life.

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.