Joke jokes

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

Other person: Yes.

Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅

I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

What do you call a whore with a runny nose?

...Full!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Apaches.

Apaches who?

Apaches on your eye.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

I forgot the joke.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?

Telling your parents you are gay.

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

De-calf-inated.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.