Joke jokes
Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.