Joke jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?

Miscarriage.

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.

I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.

Why can't you kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.

Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

A: Because it was too tired!! 😴😴😴

What do you call a whore with a runny nose?

...Full!

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

Other person: Yes.

Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅

What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.

I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.

What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Apaches.

Apaches who?

Apaches on your eye.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."