Joke jokes

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

it's not rape if we're both screaming

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

The joke above me sucks.

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?

White vans.