Joke jokes

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.