Joke jokes

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A: A battery has a positive side.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.