Joke jokes

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?

A: It left him/her/them hanging.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.