Joke jokes

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?

A: It left him/her/them hanging.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.