Joke jokes

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.