Joke jokes
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
The joke above me sucks.
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."