Joke jokes

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

~ Hey, you wanna hang?

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?

Taxi.

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!

Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A: Stoners have papers.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

it's not rape if we're both screaming

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.

Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!