Joke jokes
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
Want to hear a joke?
Women's Rights.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to a chicken.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Why can't orphans play on a computer?
'Cause they have no motherboard.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?
Because she has to get on her knees.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.
My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
I have a new joke.
My life. Wait... jokes are supposed to have meaning.
Why did the rapper become an astronaut?
To drop some BARS in SPACE!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!