Job jokes

I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator!

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.

Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.

Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.

Amber: Fine!!!!!

Why did the police play baseball?

Why?

He wanted to play catch.

I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.