I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
What did an orange say the day before going to work?
"Back to the rind!"
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
What do you call a rapper who can’t RHYME?
Unemployed
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
