Job jokes

Why do asses make terrible spies?

Because they always CRACK under pressure.

I get paid more than $200 to $400 per hour for working online. I heard about this job 3 months ago, and after joining this, I have earned easily $30k from this without having online working skills. Simply give it a shot on the accompanying site...

Here is I started.............>> fixpay1.blogspot.com

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I work at a movie studio.

Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.

The team:

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator!

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.