Job jokes
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.