Job jokes
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because he loved to drop FRESH CUTS.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some ROOT RHYMES.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Boss: Have a good day.
Me: *goes home*
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.