Job jokes

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was a good pilot.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?

A master baiter.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

Why did the rapper become a gardener?

Because he wanted to drop some ROOT RHYMES.

Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?

Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

Why did the rapper become a barber?

Because he loved to drop FRESH CUTS.

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

Why did the rapper become a plumber?

Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!